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MIGHTYJ

I am just a fish boat engineer who is a student of science and engineering.
Articles Posted: 210  Links Seeded: 63
Member Since: 2/2010  Last Seen: 5/18/2012

Tired of Having Your Lawn Jesus Stolen? You Need Exploding Dye Pack Baby Jesus (Brought to you by the makers of Terror Threat Level Indicating Menorah)

Sun Dec 25, 2011 1:46 AM EST
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By mightyj
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You know the scenario...

 You fought off the protesters occupying your lawn. You won the court cases and got the "Cease and Desist," order lifted just in time to put up your Cristmas lawn display and just when all is as "He", would have wanted it some wretched scofflaws (probably atheists) steal your lawn baby Jesus from his little manger leaving it empty and forlorn (Like a world without miracles). Even though you still have the cabbage patch doll that you used last year when the same thing happened perhaps it is time for a better plan.

 Once the police are done treating you like some kind of fanatical whiner and the last condescending comments are made before they go back to the donut shop to have a few laughs at your expense, it is time to take action and solve this problem once and for all. Yes it is time to deploy, "Exploding Dye Pack Baby Jesus."

 Stealing Little Exploding Jesus from his tiny manger will never be a crime that goes un-punished. With his replaceable dye pack and washable swaddling clothes he will be ready to explode again and again trashing the evening (and clothing) of any would be thieves no matter what their faith (or lack there-of). Since lightning strikes are so hard to come by these days, "Exploding Dye Pack Baby Jesus" comes with a dozen high powered dye packs that will leave them wishing they had decided to mess up a Hannukah display instead.

Since the law prohibits the use of pepper spray in our dye packs we are recomending a small bag of jalapenos be attached to the dye packs of Jesus's that are left out in rough neighborhoods.

Booomm!!!! Jesus's Diaper has a big surprise in it!!!

  This article is just humor and is not intended to offend any particular group of people. There is no product called, "Exploding Dye Pack Baby Jesus", that I am aware of and if there is, this article is not in any way affilliated with it or it's manufacturer.

Happy Holidays

Happy Hannukah

Merry Christmas

I wish you a high profit sales period. (For the capitalists)

No matter what your belief system is, I wish you joy and a happy and safe holiday and New Year.  (:

 

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mightyj

not intended to offend any particular group of people

  • 8 votes
Reply#1 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 1:50 AM EST
mightyj

Here Is The X-mas Tune I am Listening To Tonight

  • 5 votes
#1.1 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 1:58 AM EST
bore-head007

Once the police are done treating you like some kind of fanatical whiner and the last condescending comments are made before going back to the donut shop to have a few laughs at your expense

LMAO!!

"Mr Snardvark is a real @!$%#in' loo loo huh, Mort?"

"Yar he is Stevie, and didja see them @!$%#in kids of his?? "

" My ole man always said, you see an ugly kid, follow him home, and you'll find ugly parents!"

" Can I get somore coffee over here? And a Bearclaw? Today???"

The counter girl thinks to herself, "I wonder if Dorknoses kid looks anything like him? Mama always said follow an ugl................"

Merry Christmas jj

  • 7 votes
#1.2 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 4:30 AM EST
Abby.

Merry Christmas, guys.
:)

  • 7 votes
#1.3 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 5:54 AM EST
WILDWONDERFUL

That is such a great idea

  • 4 votes
#1.4 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 10:30 AM EST
mightyj

That was funny BH! Merry X-mas Abby!

  • 2 votes
#1.5 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 6:19 PM EST
Reply
Vlad's dog

HAHAHAHA. I loved the concept and the article JJ. Thanks for the Christmas laugh your brought.

Now I wll be work on a new project to go with the Dye Pack baby, confetti claymores.

  • 8 votes
Reply#2 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 6:58 AM EST
mightyj

Those reindeer trip wires are very difficult to get just right. (:

  • 5 votes
#2.1 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 6:20 PM EST
Reply
Soovivers

Hey JJ. Missed you and your articles. Glad to see you are doing okay. Great story - should work as a deterrent - but you never know some people may want to have red dye on them.

Take care of yourself and I hope you and the family have a great day together.

  • 6 votes
Reply#3 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 9:28 AM EST
mightyj

Merry X-mas Soov, I wish you and your family joy. (:

  • 3 votes
#3.1 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 6:21 PM EST
Reply
Lebowsky

Very amusing JJ, I loved it and it is good to see you back if even briefly. I hope your enjoying Christmas with family, friends and good food.

  • 6 votes
Reply#4 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 10:17 AM EST
mightyj

Lebowsky- I made it home and I am having a very relaxing day. The internet here is amazing. (:

I am going to get a fresh wireless card before I go out again (the last one didn't make it home). I hope you have a wonderfull X-mas.

  • 2 votes
#4.1 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 6:24 PM EST
Reply
Elaine-1503791

Very fun and funny article JJ....Merry Christmas to you and your family!

(ps....I think the exploding dye pack in baby Jesus' diaper might be a winner for those who display a nativity scene!)

  • 4 votes
Reply#5 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 10:26 AM EST
Mrs D-1475814

((((((Elaine♥))))))) Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year for you and yours dear friend. :)

  • 4 votes
#5.1 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 4:25 PM EST
mightyj

Hi Elaine!! Merry X-mas to you and yours. It is so good to see you around the vine. (((((((Elaine)))))):)

  • 4 votes
#5.2 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 6:27 PM EST
Elaine-1503791

A Blessed Merry Christmas, and much love to you (((((((Mrs. D)))))))!!!!

Thank you JJ, always good to see you too friend.

  • 4 votes
#5.3 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 7:02 PM EST
Reply
WILDWONDERFUL

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGsarig0V2c

That is my favorite song this season

  • 3 votes
Reply#6 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 10:34 AM EST
mightyj

That is beautiful! Thank you for sharing it Wild.

  • 1 vote
#6.1 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 6:28 PM EST
Reply
grump in NM

If anyone really wants my baby Jesus on the lawn, they can have him. Maybe he will do them some good.

  • 6 votes
Reply#7 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 11:02 AM EST
fitzsc

It was with great sadness I read there is no such product .... I love it ... Great Idea! But what ... no mace or pepper spray in the dye pack !!! Think this ought to be legal for all Christmas decorations ... But alas some theif would get hurt ...!!

  • 3 votes
Reply#8 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 11:59 AM EST
tzia62

Great idea for those who put statues out on their lawn!! That would teach the Scrooges!!

  • 4 votes
Reply#9 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 2:28 PM EST
mightyj

tzia- Merry Christmas and may all of the Scrooges go and Scroo (or whatever makes them happy :)

  • 1 vote
#9.1 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 6:31 PM EST
Reply
Mrs D-1475814

Awwww!!!! JJ♥ you made me laugh young man. Thanks for that. It was much needed. :) I pray that you are home with your family (I haven't heard much from you) and having a good time (pictures of Reina & Sophie would be nice *hint*). I pray for many blessings and peace for you and yours my dear friend with the New Year. :)

  • 3 votes
Reply#10 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 4:41 PM EST
Soovivers

Mrs D. I hope your day is a good one. I wanted to second your Reina and Sophie hint. Those are some cute doggies...

  • 3 votes
#10.1 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 4:47 PM EST
Mrs D-1475814

(((((Soovie♥)))))) I'm having a good day and I hope you have a good day also dear friend. :)

JJ... we are all banging on our keyboards.... Reina and Sophie, Reina and Sophie, Reina and Sophie, Reina and Sophie.... Did you hear us JJ? :)

  • 3 votes
#10.2 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 5:30 PM EST
mightyj

((((((((((((((Mrs D))))))))))))))) I am at home right now and my poor Sophie has gotten so fat. I am going to take her for a brisk drag later. (;

We have a new rescue dog named Blue. He is a big dog but Sophie and Reina keep him in check. It's pretty funny to see. Little Dre is big now and stays with my daughter's boyfriend. Only Reina has stayed the same and is actually sitting here with me right now.

I hope your holidays and Christmas are filled with joy.

  • 3 votes
#10.3 - Sun Dec 25, 2011 6:41 PM EST
mightyj

((((((((Mrs D and Soov))))))))

  • 3 votes
#10.4 - Mon Dec 26, 2011 1:19 AM EST
Reply
jane-1093970

I don't know why, but I think that you will like this video clip...long live irony!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SFdUJLebzU&feature=youtu.be

  • 3 votes
Reply#11 - Mon Dec 26, 2011 5:43 PM EST
mightyj

That was really funny. (:

  • 1 vote
#11.1 - Tue Dec 27, 2011 12:51 AM EST
Reply
Fletch-495299

ROFL, good one JJ.

  • 4 votes
Reply#12 - Mon Dec 26, 2011 7:46 PM EST
mightyj

Hi Fletch!! I am glad you liked it. (:

  • 2 votes
#12.1 - Tue Dec 27, 2011 12:53 AM EST
Reply
Kara Shalee

HAHHAHAHAHAHA..............You've managed to outdo yourself here, JJ.

Oh I can't stop laughing, and your disclaimers were brilliant!

All the Best, Kara

  • 1 vote
Reply#13 - Tue Dec 27, 2011 4:20 PM EST
Grisham

That's hillarious. I wonder if there is a real one. Happy holidays, MJ!

  • 1 vote
Reply#14 - Tue Dec 27, 2011 8:55 PM EST
js-445607

Once baby Jesus has been cockroached by some mean-spirited doll trafficker it is difficult to find a replacement. First I tried Tiny Tears and she was whisked away, next came an old Dennis the Menace doll and he, too disappeared. I dug around and found a troll doll with Betsy Wetsy in reserve. Gone again. I finally settled on a Chia Pet and someone ate the sprouts. I had no idea Nativity Scenes could be such a complication in life, JJ. Your solution is prime and I'm headed out for some supplies. I noticed the explosion was crotch high so the jalapenos are a nice touch.

Thanks for the great giggle and snort, JJ. Have a wonderful New Year!

  • 3 votes
Reply#15 - Tue Dec 27, 2011 9:36 PM EST
GrayTherapy

Hope you had a good Christmas MightyJ. Just finished reading your seed. If you see an ass crawling around its mine, completely laughed it off . . . thanks for the laugh!!!

  • 3 votes
Reply#16 - Fri Dec 30, 2011 1:41 PM EST
mightyj

I am glad you liked it Gray. Happy New Years!

  • 2 votes
#16.1 - Fri Dec 30, 2011 1:58 PM EST
Reply
Moll's Mum

Too funny!!!LOL Loved BH's comment too!LOL You two never lose your good sense of humor do ya. I told Moll to read this. She thought it was funny in high school to swap peoples pink flamingo with garden gnomes. Wouldn't be so damn funny if they had the dye pack on them would it???LOL

  • 3 votes
Reply#17 - Thu Jan 26, 2012 10:23 AM EST
mightyj

The occasional parody article is fun. (: I have more to come.

  • 2 votes
#17.1 - Sat Jan 28, 2012 11:36 PM EST
Moll's Mum

Mollie and I love this one. Can't wait for the next!

  • 3 votes
#17.2 - Sun Jan 29, 2012 11:27 AM EST
Reply
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